Where’s that Xanax when you need it?
I have friends who go to the doctor and come out with prescriptions for all the best tranquilizers and anti-anxiety meds. Unsolicited.
Me? My doctor tells me to take a Tylenol.
For a while I bought Valium online from Europe. I’d take it to sleep. Not every night — maybe a few nights a week. And not a huge dose.
But a few years ago, my shipment came with what looked like bootleg packaging, so I began to worry about what might be in the pills. I’ve been “clean” ever since.
Anxiety’s permeating every area of my life, of late. Nothing feels secure and I do mean NOTHING.
Some of the anxiety’s just a chimera, a terrible figment of my imagination.
But not all of it.
I’m an action-oriented gal, always feeling like I should be DOING something to change the situation. Even when there is nothing more that reasonably CAN be done.
When instead I need to swing with it a while. Sit it it out. Wait. Let time pass and things evolve.
But that’s just not the way I roll.
I create. I do. I am in motion. That’s who I am.
And when none of it is effective, and I have to sit, I spin out on anxiety.
Since I don’t have the benefit of drugs, I’ve been trying God. Prayer and church.
While driving down the street last week I had this clear vision of Jesus Christ, arms outstretched, telling me to lay down my burden, to let Him carry it for me.
So I did.
Since then, I’ve felt a discernibly greater sense of peace.
Now, I’m no religious freak. And I’ve had my struggles with faith. But I want to believe. And I want peace in my life.