Relationship counselors are fond of advising that to effectuate change in a spouse, a client should change her own attitude & behavior. Apparently it’s some mysterious magic trick that causes the attitude & behavior of the other to change.
I always hated that advice. First, because it’s usually the woman sitting in the therapist’s office, therefore it’s the woman who has to change first. I wanted something more mutual. So I never really could pull it off.
Until now. I’ve tried being more optimistic and happy and it seems like it may work.
I might have been having a pity party back when I posted about Self-Centeredville, although he truly does live there some of the time. My attitude’s turned 180 degrees since then and his has come significantly my way. Maybe he just visits there from time to time.
I really want this to work. He’s so good for me in so many ways, and I for him. It’s imperfect, but what isn’t? I’ve been focusing only on the positives, and that’s helped turn my attitude immensely. You can be about all the reasons why not, or all the reasons why. I’m choosing the latter.
Speaking of counseling, it pretty much failed for my brother and his wife. He’s moved out after more than 25 years of marriage. They’re at complete opposite ends of the personality spectrum and they couldn’t find that meet-in-the-middle place. Their counseling sessions probably started too late, after things were too far gone to do any good.
Plus I just can’t picture my brother embracing the therapist’s couch. Few men do, but he in particular seems to be the resistant type.
It’s always sad to see a long-term marriage split like this.
But I am happy for the psychic space it will leave them both to lead more positive and happy lives. Maybe one day, not too soon, but after healing, with new partners.