Of course it was inevitable that my smart and funny husband would want to see my essay in the anthology, Dumped, Women Unfriending Women. What I didn’t expect was that he’d want to read the other essays. He told me he was curious about this “dumping” stuff and once he’d read a few of the essays, well, he had an opinion.
More than once I’ve suggested that he write a guest post for my blog. Until now, it’s been an exercise in futility.
Today, my blog belongs to my husband as he talks about the concept of guys dumping guys. As you read, be sure your tongue is inserted firmly in your cheek. Well, some of the time, anyway!
When Carol told me she had an essay included in the anthology, Dumped, I was anxious to read it. Once I did, I was curious about some of the other essays. So I read some of them. And then some more. I read essay after essay in which women described the agony and the angst of being dumped by women they’d considered their close friends.
The thing that struck me was that each essay described an experience that was totally alien to me. I have never felt that I was dumped by another guy. Girls? Yes. But not another guy.
You’ll note that I referred to another “guy.” I consider myself a “guy.” To understand what I mean by “guy” you have to understand that the male gender is subdivided into two types: men and guys. An excellent discussion of the distinction between men and guys appears in Dave Barry’s essay here.
Suffice it to say that men are either macho, “don’t worry little lady” types or sensitive, caring, mantra-chanting folks. Guys are all other males.
The following example illustrates the distinction. If a guy walks up to a male and says “How ya doin’?” and the response is either (a) “what business is it of yours?” or (b) “actually, I’ve gotten in touch with my inner spirit and I feel that I can fly,” the male is probably a man.
However, if the response is “Fine. How YOU doin’?” the male is probably another guy.
When a guy asks how someone is “doin’,” it’s just a greeting. He is not nosy, nor does he really care how the other person is doing. Which brings me to Dumped.
It seems that to be “dumped,” a person has to feel that he or she is in a relationship, one in which deeply personal feelings were shared and suddenly and without an apparent reason, that relationship is severed. That would never happen with guys.
If a guy ever shares a “feeling” with another male, it is “How do you feel about the Seahawks passing on the one yard line?” Or “Do you feel that the loss of Pablo will cripple the Giants?”
If the male that you share these feelings with abruptly and without reason “dumps” you, odds are you don’t even notice until someone asks, “Where’s Barry? Didn’t you guys hang together?”
Most likely a guy’s response would be, “Jeez, come to think of it, I haven’t seen him in a while. Say, what d’ya think of the Warriors’ chances in the playoffs?”
In sum, a guy never suffers the angst and trauma of being “dumped” by another male because they never develop the intimate relationship needed for the dump. Guys truly live in the moment with other males. Each encounter is a distinct event and even if these events recur over a considerable period of time, the aggregate is never a “relationship,” just a series of events. When the series ends, it ends, no muss, no fuss.