When this happens, the first thing I do is run through a how-to-be-a-good-friend mental checklist. Have I been a good friend to them?
Here’s my how to be a good friend evaluation list:
Is this a one-sided relationship? Have they given me more than I have given them? Or have I given my share or more?
Have I made an effort to understand the entire person, including circumstances in his or her life that might affect them? Do I seek first to understand and then to be understood?
Everyone has beautiful qualities, have I appreciated those?
No one’s perfect. Have I flipped out over some little thing that’s really not important in the greater scheme of things? Or do I come from a place of forgiveness?
Is this a relationship guided by love?
And then, about them:
Once I’ve asked myself those questions, I ask one more: Do they know how to be a good friend? Because it’s not just about me. It’s also about them and how they approach a friendship.
Do they give as much as they take?
Do they make an effort to understand me?
Do they appreciate my heart?
Do they forgive me my transgressions (and yes, we all transgress from time to time.)
Is love the predominant factor in this friendship?
Because here’s the thing we don’t always consider: not everyone deserves our friendship.
That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? But it isn’t, really.
If we’re spending your valuable time with someone, they should be additive to our life, a positive and affirming force.