Ok, I’ll admit. We don’t yet have a car with keyless ignition. And so rarely do I rent a car these days that I’d never driven a car with a keyless ignition before.
Until Famous Girlfriend and I went to Montana.
Well, that’s not true. Once in a while I’m Designated Driver for friends who have a big, fancy Jaguar. That has a keyless ignition.
But I’ve never had to contend with the, well, issues, surrounding the keyless ignition and its fob.
Our big boat of a rental Buick in Montana had a keyless ignition and we were given a fob for it.
One fob. One fob that opened the doors and trunk. One fob that had to be nearby for us to start the car engine.
One fob for women of a certain age whose most important question each day had become Why did I come into this room, again?
The entire trip became about the fob.
Where’s the fob?
If we said it once, we said it 100 times during our week.
You’ve got the fob.
No, I gave it to you.
Do I have the fob?
Who’s got the fob?
Now, before you think it’s just women, here’s an excerpt of a long message from my gay husband.
(Just to clarify, because there has been some misunderstanding about this in the past: my husband is not gay. But many women who have gay men as BFFs call them their “gay husbands.” Just saying. Because an ex-boyfriend read about my gay husband and presented himself again because he thought my regular husband had gone gay. No. Absolutely. Not. Gay. Not. One. Little. Bit.)
But back to the message from my gay husband:
“Just had the most bizarre situation misplacing my car fob last might…my backup’s not working. There is no way i would’e found it–I kept channeling everyone from my mom to St. Joseph…I was guided to the back bedroom where I removed my slacks last night… had looked there once but later was guided back to keep digging around the stuff on the spare bed. Holy crap! The key fob!”
So I think it’s a pretty evil irony that keyless ignitions and fobs have appeared on the scene just when our memories have disappeared.
Having said that, we bought a new vehicle yesterday. It has a keyless ignition. And fobs.
I’m a little….worried.