So I’m missing her.
I’m not going to say I took her for granted, because I never did.
I’m not going to say that I didn’t think there’d be a void when she left us, because I knew there would be.
I’ll just say that I didn’t think it would be so big. So huge.
And that I’d miss her in all those small moments, those times when stuff happens and I want to vent or commiserate. I remember the look on her face as she assessed what I was telling her and how her face told me she was formulating a response or advice even before the whole story was out.
And while there are others in my life with whom I can vent and commiserate, it really does feel like a very long day without her. A day that’s lasted nearly a year and a half so far.
Grief is a long process, life-long, actually. The loss of a loved one is not something we “get over.” It’s not a snit or a fit of anger. It’s deep and it’s sharp and maybe it dulls over time but it’s still there.
It’s helpful to feel it.
I know, that sounds counter-intuitive. Many people want to sweep those emotions under the rug. Grief isn’t pretty.
But any good therapist will tell you that it’s healthy to feel into our grief. To mourn in whatever way you do. For as long as you need to. Including forever. Oh, active grief must and will transform over time to something less overwhelming. But grief is always part of us.
My mother was the first person for whom I felt that kind of grief and here’s what helped me: talking about her. Writing about her. Thinking about her. Her death inspired my line of products and services to support those who grieve. They include a beautiful set of affirmation cards (pictured left), a helpful guided journal and a powerful downloadable guided imagery audio.
If you or someone you love is grieving, they can be a help. You can look at them HERE. I hope you’ll give them a try.