I have to admit. They bore me. I mean, I’m grateful on Mondays for the same thing I’m grateful for every single day of the week.
And at my age, I’m a living throwback. I don’t need my own day.
So. To liven things up, I’ve come up with some new day-of-the-week memes.
Moan and Groan Monday: Whine to your heart’s content about everything that’s wrong with your life. That’s right, this is your weekly opportunity to complain away. Talk about your depression, your crazy family, how friends have abandoned you and how your life is sh it. Let loose with all of it on Monday, because that’s the day I want an entire social media feed of complaints.
Tripping Tuesday: Take us back to your favorite drug experience. We want to know exactly what you saw on that LSD trip and how meth made you lose all your teeth. Photos, please. I’m fairly certain this will become my second favorite day of the week on Facebook. My first? You’ll see…read on.
Wacko-Wednesday: Describe the times you’ve lost your mind in living detail. I know for some of you that’s every hour of every day, but pick out a few good ones and give us all the gory details. Men in white coats? Strait jacket? I want to know!
Thuringer Thursday: weigh in with your favorite lunch meat recipe. Creative cold-cut casseroles, tongue panini and even baloney bolognese, share it all with us here. Because the truth is we can’t live without nitrates and sodium. And you don’t need to give us calories–on Thuringer Thursday, no one counts ’em. Special bonus for lunch-meat smoothies.
Fat Content Friday: describe the fat content in your meals for the week and describe your diet in excruciating detail. I want to know about that chocolate frosting as well as the fact that your healthy green smoothie had exactly ZERO grams of fat. Lay it all out here, expunge your guilt if you need to and live vicariously if you’re living on green drink alone.
Slutty Saturday: Absolutely my favorite day, because I get to read all about your bad sexual behavior. The time you picked up that Brit in a bar, tied him to a bannister, then left him. That threesome you did with a famous athlete. The day you left your panties in your gardener’s truck. Hope you have 52 slutty stories because that’s how many Saturdays there are in a year. And yes, guys are sluts, too. Ok, they’re “studs.” Tell us how.
So, hey, let loose with a new story every single day of the week. It’s just social media.
We won’t tell a soul.