Carol Cassara

Seniors Day, then and now

By 31 Comments

seniors-day-thoughtsSeniors Day thoughts.

I don’t feel like a senior.

My hair isn’t grey, at least it’s not supposed to be, given my monthly investment at the salon.

I’m usually pretty active

But there I was, pushing a metal shopping cart around Walgreen’s on Seniors Day, the first Tuesday of the month.

I AM a Senior Citizen by most counts. And that triggered Seniors Day thoughts.

As I perused the aisles an image from my past came up.  It was, maybe, 1998. I was in my hometown of Rochester, NY at a drugstore with my mother. She was pushing her cart just like I was pushing mine, scanning for what she needed and hoping for an unexpected bargain.  It was early evening and chilly outside. She leaned on the cart to support herself a little because her sciatica was acting up. A hat covered her thinning red hair. She wore her usual comfy clodhoppers, the replacement for the stilettos she’d worn as a stylish young woman.  I could see the look on her face, hear the cigarette-rasp in her voice. The scene was so vivid I could put myself back in it instantly.

Of all the memories I could have about my mother, this is one of the ones that stuck. I have no idea why. Maybe because going to the drugstore together was so commonplace. Because I lived thousands of miles away we rarely shared mundane moments.

Earlier that day–the one that found me in the drug store alone– I’d seen an Antiques Road Show look-back episode set in 1998 in my hometown.  As I looked at Rochesterians clutching their antiques, I thought, “When this show was taped, my mother was alive. It was her last relatively healthy year.”  I wondered how many of those who appeared on the show were still living all these years later.

That day in the drugstore with my mother wasn’t anything special. There was no reason to think I’d remember it 16 years later. But watching that TV program from my mother’s last year alive called up that mundane moment in time. That’s the thing about video: it freeze frames moments in time and allows us to view them from a new perspective. When I lived that moment I was watching on video, my mother was alive and vibrant.  Her vibe was youthful and I guess I always thought she’d be that way. It never occurred to me that she would die in her early 70s, even though I had every reason to believe her lifestyle would kill her young.

Mom-me-Pacifica

Mom and me in Pacifica, CA, circa 1996

My mother touched many lives in a positive way, although she was far from perfect. In that way, we’re alike: flawed human beings who do their best to reach out with kindness.  This didn’t always work out for her, just as it hasn’t always worked out for me.

Still, I like the ways I’m like her, even the ways that aren’t all that positive, simply because being like her reminds me that mothers have a legacy. Even if they don’t know what it is. Or intend some of it.

Today, my mother would have been 89 years old. I can’t fathom that–89. For sure she would have been in a nursing home, something else I can’t fathom. To see my mother’s big personality tamped down in an institution might well have killed me. Almost, anyway.

So, Mom, happy birthday. I like to think you drop in on us from time to time to see how we’re doing, now that you’ve gotten your way and we’re back together.  I hope you know how often and lovingly that your grandson, daughter-in-law, your once and current son-in-law and I talk about you. How big an impact you had on our lives.

And also, how much we miss you.

I wonder what you’re up to out there in the afterlife. Because I know you’re up to something.

And I hope you’ll continue to drop by and make your presence known.

So I wonder, do you have your own Seniors Day thoughts when you see a sign like that?

 

Comments

  3. Carol,

    I enjoyed reading this. My mom is still with us, and lives with us. She is a young 74 but it made me sad to think of a day – hopefully not too soon – when she won’t be here. And it made me think about growing old myself. Very thoughtful piece.
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    • Aww, Cheri! Thanks….and you know I love seeing your own posts with your mom’s photo. You look just like her. I know she was as amazing as you are and that you are passing her legacy to Amanda with your own.

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  5. What a lovely memory and a lovely tribute to your mother. I know she’s proud of you!

    I think of my dad, and his mother, Grandma Iney. I wasn’t that close to my dad, but he had a gentle presence that I miss. The loss of dear Grandma Iney is incalculable. Today I will think of the many sweet moments we spent together throughout the 43 years we shared on this planet. I feel her nearby often, but still, I miss her every day.

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  6. I’m sure Mom is smiling up there right now. She knows that her work is done…she raised a thoughtful, imperfect but kind daughter. What better legacy to leave the world?
    Speaking of looking like someone– take another peek at the photo you shared. You are her made over.
    Nice thoughts on Mom’s birthday.
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  8. I love the ordinary moments, and love that’s what shows up for you. It’s weird how we’re always trying to make stuff so damn special, when it’s the ordinary that we remember (and are remembered for). Lovely post.
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  10. Thank you for sharing your memory of your mother with us. Just like your mother, you touch so many lives in a positive way, whether through this forum or a meeting in person. I’m sure she is very proud of her masterpiece, you!

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  12. Hi Carol! What a lovely tribute to your mom. She sounds like she was an interesting and lively woman–just like you. I know you’ve read and studied about the ideas of life-after-life so I don’t doubt she is still checking in with you on some level. And I agree that your mom is probably up to something as equally interesting no matter where she is! Definitely a new way to think o f senior moments right?
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  13. I do often. I try to picture my father, who died at 46 he would 76 today and I can’t wrap my mind around that he will be forever young. I wonder how i will be when I reach my 70’s will I still be chugging along or will be wrapped in an Alzheimer’s nightmare. I wonder sometimes and sometmes I worry but I have had a very happy life no matter what and have been richly blessed so I won’t complain.
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  18. This moved me in so many ways. I still have my Mom, for which I am most grateful… Your words did prompt me to take a visit down Memory Lane, to visit times and places I have not thought of in ages. I appreciate that, Carol.
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